Lucky Ducky by DP
Shootin’ ducks is like life. You hide in a boat, drink beer and shoot at the fat ones.
The Oven Stuffer Boaster by DP
TJ Maxx and Oxycotin are Sally’s rides. She’s home by three to meet the kids. Has dinner on the table at six when John comes home.
“Hope I don’t lose another tooth tonight” is all she can think while she’s using the carrot scraper on the cat’s tail.
Rubberface Jumps Ship by DP
Everyone cried when Jim Carrey killed himself on Letterman.
Until they realized that it wasn’t a joke.
Then they laughed. Hard.
Wail, My Countrymen by DP
“I call Sportcenter ‘Aisle Six’, because that’s where they keep the douchebags in the CVS.”
Ditchdigger Blues by DP
“Diggin’ditches and nailin’ bitches son.”
“Wake up Craggy Joe. 8 bones an hour and we smell like death.”
“Death smells sweet when you’re living the dream.”
When Frank brained Joe with his shovel. We just buried his ass. After we raped him.